fear, fear, and more fear
Damn. You think you have something licked. Or at least a handle on it. And of course it spins hopelessly out of control. On the upside, it does explain a lot of the previous frenzied activity...anything to occupy the mind and body to avoid thinking about the upcoming travel. But at some point, there is no place or time left to hide. Then it all comes out. And at its core? Still not quite sure, but most likely intense fear of being left alone. My shrink said an interesting thing...we all have to be connected. If a baby doesn't have human contact it dies. There has to be some connection...ie we cannot be left alone. But alone we are left, in different ways, at different times. And sometimes when we're left alone bad things happen. Very bad things.
This time I won't be alone, but that is of little comfort to the other parts. Because even though I won't be alone, I have to trust that I won't be alone...that I won't be abandonded. And that's yet another hill to climb. But at least the big guy with with dump truck was able to slide it down the hill just into the right position. Sorry for the non-sequitor, but that was a really interesting dream from this am. But now, off to do some last minute errands before packing for Shanghai. And working on trusting those around me.