nostatic at all...

A dog and pony today to piggyback onto a grant proposal. The weather started out cold, but warmed towards the end. Evidently I get the call to "push the envelope" of projects/thinking. As long as it pays, I love my job. Tomorrow I find out if I'm off to Beijing. If not, that's ok too...

Oh, and the title refers to my brilliant concept idea. More to follow.

By the first of August the invisible beetles began to snore
and the grass was as tough as hemp and was no color
no more than the sand was a color

and we had worn our bare feet bare since the twentieth of June
and there were times we forgot to wind up your alarm clock
and some nights we took our gin warm and neat from old jelly glasses
while the sun blew out of sight like a red picture hat
and one day I tied my hair back with a ribbon and you said
that I looked almost like a puritan lady

and what I remember best is that
the door to your room was
the door to mine.

-anne sexton

Well, as a wise person once (twice?) said, "be careful what you wish for." I always wanted to be the bright guy who people go to for creative answers (or provocative questions). Turns out that sometimes they will ask you to road-trip to help figure out the answers. Next weekend I'll be on a red-eye to Beijing to consult on a language education project. Some official talks, a few tours of schools over there, then back to the US. And of course my domestic work won't slow down while I'm there so no time for jet lag once I get back.

Who said academia was slow?

I've said it before, but I'll say it again because today is a different day and I'm a different person. It's been a hell of a run. Best year of my life. Bar none. Possibly the most difficult too. I suppose there might be a connection there, but I won't wax philosophic on that at the moment. I still have no clue how this will turn next but for now a heartfelt "thanks" along with another "wow." You're amazing S. And always will be.

My first day back at the track was long and tough, but rewarding. I finally got home around 7pm, and all I really wanted was some food, a nice hot shower, and sleep. Working on the food, and hit the shower. I just finished washing my hair when I hear the dreaded "glug glug glug". I quickly shut off the water and hopped out just as the ick was starting to back up from the drain. Gross. Showerus Interruptus. And now the toilet/shower/batchtub is stopped/backed-up. On a Saturday night. Great. Guess no shower in the AM. I hate this stupid apartment. This is the 3rd time since I moved in that this has happened, and the kitchen has backed up twice.

All I wanted was a long hot shower...

Day two and the final STS event of the year started auspiciously, as I awakened to an even deeper pool of raw sewage in the tub and shower. Obviously my normal 5:30am routine of a quick shower was out of the question, so it was a good toothbrushing (while holding my nose) and off to the desert.

How do you top the last act? Answer: you can't. So don't even try. Just start a new one building on what you learned from the last one. And cherish the last chapter every moment. And realize that you don't have to demonize it to move forward. It was and is indescribably beautiful and wonderous. Honor that by taking it forward...

Egad, it's all coming fast and furious. On top of everything, a production shoot next week in Livermore while I'm in Beijing, a conference call while I'm there too (moved it to midnight Beijing-time for me to call in), and of course the other meetings and tours scheduled there. More immediate is a dog and pony Thursday to show Hewlett what I've been doing with their money. I guess I better get crackin'...

I'm about ready to fall over. Too much. Uncle. But I can't. Got to get my act together and catch an early morning flight to SJC to dance as fast as I can trying to show the Hewlett Foundation that their grant money to me actually is doing something. Today was multiple conference calls trying to sort out a production that has too many cooks and not enough clarity. I've got to get supplies and pack for Beijing (13 hours on a plane...joy). And my personal life is in a shambles, but I'm trying to pick up the good pieces and trudge forward. Don't really feel much like it though. Putting on a good face I suppose. Fake it until you can make it. I heard "It Makes No Difference" today, and felt all of of that. I had to play "Silver Rain" to try and balance that out, but that brought on a whole other wave of emotions that are tied up in that song. But that's ok...because those moments were sheer joy, and nothing will replace or diminish that. There are few things I know, but that is one of them...

She came to me again. At 39K feet. As Peter sang of the flood. I don't know what it means. More will be revealed...

Be careful what you wish for is what they say
The Chinese wish, "may you live in interesting times."
I'm Chinese don't you know
Even though a cold wind blows

My wheels turn 24/7 but that's what they want
They pay you for those cycles and gears
I'm quite tired don't you know
And on the TV nothing but snow

The idea guy walks at a pace
That scares you if you bother to notice
He thinks to keep the demons down
But they won't leave his town

He's smart and manic and bursting forth
He can be quite a handful sources say
Afraid of making another one of himself
Letting her walk he climbs on the shelf

It turns out that outliers are lonely
When the mania fades into sackcloth
It's been years since he got ashes
And around the corner another crashes

The idea guy runs until empty
But find the reserve and starts over again
He fights to keep the demons down
Anything to avoid a backless gown

Well, the flight was 14 hours due to head winds, but largely uneventful other than being stuck in a middle seat (so much for late online booking) and terrible food. Eventually we touched down in Beijing. And so the adventure begins...

I could do a hell of a lot worse. Thanks to Sharon and her network of travel professionals, a nice comfy place to stay...complete with Priority Club membership. I'm spoiled...

Just call me "Bu Yao." That means, "don't want." Turns out a lone laowai walking around the streets of Beijing appears to be an easy mark for the local scammers. My day went like this:

pretty girl - "Hi, where you from?"
me - "bu yao"

pretty girl - "Hi, I'm a teacher..."
me - "bu yao"

some guy - "you need this..."
me - "bu yao"

pretty girl - "Hi, I have art show..."
me - "bu yao"

At least I took pics...

Very long day today with multiple meetings and tours of two middle schools. I also shot about 3 hours of footage at the schools for posterity, and I also decided that I'm going to cut a documentary. Not sure what exactly the story is, but I'm hoping it will emerge as we see more places. I'm exhausted yet energized about all the possibilities here, and ways that I/we could change the world (for the better). But I'm also somewhat terrified and alone. That and other thoughts are waging a little battle these days, but we'll see what comes up. For now, a couple of random shots...

Today in one of the meetings with higher-ups, we went around the room to introduce ourselves. I'm somewhat of the odd duck as most of our contingent is from one school and everyone there has a proper title (dean of this, head of that...) and function. When it got to me, I said, "well, I'm the crazy uncle," to which everyone laughed. I then went on to describe what I/we do (immersive learning/training, various digital media, emphasis on story, etc). Seems like an apt moniker though. They do seem to drag me along because I'm the guy who keeps thinking there is no box (therefore nothing to be outside of). Crazy...like an uncle.

More tours of schools today. First stop was an impressive "experimental" school that was brand new (although originally started in 1959) with amazing facilities. More watching a 7th grade English class. This teacher only had 2 months experience but she was very good, as were the students. Next stop was another school, but we had to grab a quick lunch as we were starving. Our host kept apologizing for the "fast food" but it was as good or better than any top Chinese food in LA. Then the tables were turned as we were in a "free talk" class, so the students got to ask us questions (and vice versa). We're trying to get data to help in the design of some lanugage software. They wanted to know about the American educational system. China's schools are very different...students are in class all day 6 days a week and often on Sunday if they are preparing for exams. And uniforms are the rule. But the kids were very interesting. Oddly my American hubris was showing, as I had assumed that they would want to visit American and find out about our country. Turns out that really isn't the case. They watch American movies and some TV shows (Friends? egad), but the reality is that the world does not revolve around the US. Lesson learned. Lots of lessons learned in this trip. I'll never look at things the same again. On many different levels. I can't wait to continue some discussions in a new light, and maybe start all over again. Time will tell.

And of course there is Grace. I still don't know what/where/how/why. But I'm trying to be ok with that too. I'm trying to be ok with it all. And play life from a bit more of a perilous stance. In order to do that I have to have some faith that even if I hit a wrong note, I just move onto the next one without missing a beat. Because soon the song will end, so you don't want to stop in the middle just because of a mistake. Of course to do that you have to have depend on the rest of the band, as you can't do it alone. Sometimes you do step up and take a solo, but to really groove you need the help of equal yet different partners. When your turn in the spotlight is over, you step back and work to help the song move. Together. Not the same. Not always in perfect sync. But feeling the pulse and finding the groove without thinking too much about it. Because when you think too much, you lose it. You've got to feel it. You've got to let go and live it.

Top five questions asked on Wangfujing tonight:

5. "Where are you from?"

4. "Do you speak Spanish?"

3. "You want pretty girl for massage?"

2. "You want Chinese woman?"

and the number one question on Wangfujing...

1. "Sex OK?"

hit it Paul...

Today I noticed that there is no 4th floor in the hotel. Some western hotels eschew a 13th floor, but in Asian culture 4 is bad luck (I believe the story is that the character resembles the character for death). There is something to it though. Last year Takumo Sato (Formula One driver) was given number 4 for his car. He proceeded to have a horrendous season, barely finishing a race and mostly crashing out or having a mechanical.

So for the next few days, no 4.

at least i hope so...

deja vu all over again
fighting it
in measured doses
and an attempt to be
someone I'm not
or someone I am
or at this point just be
devil mind spins on its axis
throwing muses that cannot help
gouging a hole in the table
that i'll have to fix

I've fixed holes where the rain gets in
to try and stop my mind from wandering
where it will go
where it can go
where it must go
driven by dark shadows and
steel glances from the time of 8

step up and get it right
step up and take what you're owed
step up and take a man
bring dishonor to ourselves and family
we live through you, you bastard
get it fucking right.

but what if I don't? what if I can't?
What if the point is to get it wrong. So very wrong.
And show the others how not to do it.
Is there not value in my failure?
It may be ugly and difficult.
But there is beauty and elegance in the difficulty.

Difficulty hovers like a hawk, circling empowerment
empowerment puts on a good show
but really doesn't know as she is depending on
the hawk to tell her what to think
and what to breath
and when to die

It is not now. It is not tomorrow.
It is when the muse releases
us to create the note and world
and find a spot to carry out
some work in peace
some work in love
some work in joy.

that stands for rough night, long day, good food. Rough night as in the devil mind came out to play and I struggled mightily. Upshod is very little sleep and plenty of misery. And the poem that I wrote below in the midst of it? Well, it is a little scary. I have absolutely zero recollection of writing the last verses. I remember the first two, but the rest came from something other than my concious thought. Am I losing it? Perhaps. Maybe that's part of the eschewing attachment though...

Meetings in the morning, another school tour (with the obligatory tea with the principal), but then it was sightseeing to the Great Wall. The weather was sketchy heading up, but actually cleared a bit once we got up. The gondola ride was festive (I'm afraid of heights), but everything was fine. It is steep. REALLY steep. And we drove past the beginnings (or end?) of Disney World. Spooky.

Well, my time in Beijing has come to a close, as I post this from the business class lounge at the airport. For the first time in my life I'm not flying economy. After figuring out that everyone else on this business trip flew business class (while I scrunched my 6'1" frame into a 5'7" seat with a bum knee), I decided that I deserved a nicer ride home. Yet another new thing in a trip full of new things.

Well, back to reality. The good news is that business class is all that and a bag of chips. The bad news is that I'll still be stuck flying economy most of the time. But due to the incredible amount of legroom and reclining seat, I actually got about 6-7 hours of sleep on the flight back. We sat on the apron for about 20 minutes waiting for a gate to open up, but eventually I got my bag, through customs, and was in a cab (with Indian, not Chinese driver) headed for home. And a stack of bills. *sigh*. I wonder if I can send them Chinese Yuen to pay for them? That red one from DWP better get attended to quickly though...

Surprisingly, jet lag isn't so bad so far. I managed to get to sleep around 1:30am this morning, and got up around 9am or so (even though I wanted to stay there longer). Hit a bit of a wall around 3pm but not too bad at all. I guess business class has it's other benefits.

I think out of the box (although I bristle somewhat at the term...smacks of synergy and proactive paradigms). It's what I get paid to do. Poke and prod and push the envelope. Of course that is mental...so there is a question about the other sides of the coin. If you live in a nice little comfy box, it's one thing to think about it, and another to step out side it. I suppose Beijing was one of those steps. More to follow.

So I'm in China for a week...and FedExGround shows up three days in a row trying to deliver something. The final door hanger threatens that it'll be sent back to the sender if I don't go pick it up. S calls and finds out the address...2600 E 28th St in LA. Deep in LA. On the border of Vernon. So I drive there this AM and find the address (amidst various industrial companies and train tracks. Smells funny...smells like manufacturing. And the address is a locked gate, behind which I can see tons of FedExGround trucks. Obviously this is the shipping hub for them. Can't be a customer pickup location, can it? I call FedEx and they get someone at the location...turns out you have to go a few blocks around to get to the "entrance." The guard points me towards a parking lot which is almost full (an employee lot it turns out). Then I walk through the guard shack (and metal detector) out on the huge lot area with trucks buzzing about. Then climb a yellow metal set of stairs up to a loading dock, then around the corner, then into a non-descript door. Inside are some desks and clerks working. No counter. No amenities. No nothing. I give the doorhanger to one of the women, and she walks off. Then about 5 minutes later she shows up with my package. Then I walk back out (dodging trucks along the way) and make my way back to my car.

Insane. Just say no to FedExGround. Oh, and the package? My Fast from VW. *sigh*

My friend Jane and I have been kicking around various ideas for changing the world over the past few years. Jane is a big advocate of "digital media for social change" and I willingly fall in line on that one. And since I'm evidently a digital media maven, I'm just the guy to pitch in. Seems we finally might be edging closer to reality though. We're thinking big though...quite big. Of course to get things started you have to bite off small chunks, and I think we've figured those out too. Now to just find the millions (to start :-p) of dollars we need to get things off the ground...

Multiple dreams last night and this morning, too many to remember or recount. The standout images being two planes that emergency landed on the campus at Caltech and ended up standing on end. Then various encounters with S and one with her mom. Then me searching for one of my students from Claremont (Irfan), although I was searching at Caltech. And me being with this great woman, but for some reason (her parents didn't approve?) we go separated in the crowd on campus, and then I couldn't find her again.

No wonder I'm tired when I wake up...

Today is Thanksgiving. For many years I've not been much of a holiday person. I think I'm finally figuring out why, but I've sucessfully avoided them for the last two, instead spending the day largely on my own. Today I'll engage in one of my holiday traditions: lunch at Jack in the Box. Now most people think I'm crazy, and of course they are right. But this is a reminder of where I've been, and where I wish not to tread again. So today I'll seek out the local eatery (I used to go to when I was a young kid, walking down to the one at the corner of Mission Gorge Rd and Twain St) and hoist a taco to remember the day so I won't repeat it.

but funny...

It's been an emotional ride as of late on a number of fronts. Funny how catharsis comes at the strangest times and in the unexpected places. I stumbled across "Field of Dreams" tonight. And now at the end of the film the waterworks begin. As I've said to some, I was raised on a softball diamond. While in the womb my dad pitched as my mom kept score in the stands. Baseball is deep in the culture of this country, and seems to be in my DNA. I've strayed from the game over the years for a variety of reasons. But FoD really got me tonight. The movie, like the game itself, really isn't about the sport of baseball, but rather loss, reconciliation, and forgiveness.

a crazy pearl
you travel the world
and often change shape
they're your means of escape

shine on, shine on
brighter than the heavens
shine on, shine on

climb into one mind
for fear you won't find
the baby within
but she's there, she's beautiful, she's there

shine on, shine on
the universe is similing
shine on, shine on

your brilliance so bright
you seem to lose sight
of the power inside
and the love that you ride

like a dragon with a pearl
you'll turn around the world
and take the shaky steps
realize the promises kept

shine on, shine on
your power is growing
shine on, shine on
your beauty is showing
shine on, shine on
the muses are throwing
a party for you

love always, love well
shine always, shine well
shine on, shine on

don't say I never worried
when you never promised to be
someone who's celebrating could outshine the moon

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.

Now theres a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.

but not alone

everybody is moving on
got their mojo working
kissing the sky
with the pains tucked away
and good riddance to them

rocking like a baby
the runners always give their feel
from one ordeal
to another, the river bends
and fades around and tends
to the carriage car

knowing less than before
makes me sit uneasy
and a bit queasy
from that second drink
there's a minimum
angry chrysanthemum

every night changes hue
shapes and lines block
take stock, lightly mock
a wagging finger, strapping dagger
plunged into worry

it bleeds dark hues
i said it changed the night
alters sight, you said it would be alright
but it isn't. I find a hit but digging deeper
reveals a fatal flaw or maybe
i'm just looking too hard

i'm dropping down a step or notch
i had whisky but maybe scotch
would have been a better idea
give me that microphone
i've been sitting here all night
and you said it would be all right

an evening with the movie queens
and kings up on the hill
showed your pull and hold on
me and my needy little pawn
pushed around the board
bullies, blues, and theives

crossing the line we lose a day
but gain our soul, in a crate that
fell from first class, a crate that
spells the death of our brother
brooklynn holds the charmer underneath

the green day is really sick and misery
flies from the board as they try to
to bring forth on holiday

no pressure. no pressure. no psressure
this isn't good. we need pressure
this ins't good. kill the pressure

the dawning of the rest of our lives
this is the life on holidy
until it is found for what it is
and what it isn't. is. isn't

off to empyty roads
to walk alone
i walk alone

my shadown is beating and fighting. i wish they would find me
my shadow is walking down the line, i wish they would find me

i walk alone
my shadows the only thinbg tat walks besided me
mj shadows the only thigs tht wlks inside me
i walk alone

the shadows want to walk inside me
they want to tramp all over my stuff. my stuff
if they tramp, they will die. i will make sure o that
if they tramp, they will cry. i will make sure of that
if they tramp, kill them befoere they cry, then make sure of it.

a touch, a squirt, a repeat. Now way of doing it.
drop the shy act. work it hard. this is the sht

could disclaimers be any worse? Line them all up and shoot them
right in the middle of a good dream, somethig burbbled up, "I think I you love"
so what i so afraid of? A love there is nnot cure enough.

this is jsut prop dribble. throws this crap ot. turn kt down. Too muhc loving gong on. that makes much. i outsourced it. I OUTOURCED IT!!! it's a sweet joke. 2:30am is a sweetjoke too. But a nast one. znrumsn hsndhe dsyd ell

see the glory of the rroyal) Thye flglory of the wondow or wonderdow. I need wook lock. i can't see straight any or

the strea is ruiing ot of f. 'll arge my cai

near 3, fading.o39 is a weak one. so is off. fade.tw.gky

losing it. hou t is fi no now.done noe.

(note: this is the original, typos and all. I have no conscious recollection of writing anything after "brooklynn holds the charmer underneath". The rest all came from somewhere else...)

everybody is moving on
got their mojo working
kissing the sky
with the pains tucked away
and good riddance to the hurt

rocking like a baby
the runners always give their feel
from one ordeal
to another, the river bends
and fades around and tends
to the carriage car

knowing less than before
makes me sit uneasy
and a bit queasy
from that second drink
there's a minimum
you angry chrysanthemum

every night changes hue
shapes and lines block
take stock, lightly mock
a wagging finger, strapping dagger
plunged into worry

it bleeds dark hues
i said it changed the night
alters sight, you said it would be alright
but it isn't. I find a hit but digging deeper
reveals a fatal flaw or maybe
i'm just looking too hard

i'm dropping down a step or notch
i had whisky but maybe scotch
would have been a better choice
give me that microphone
i've been sitting here all night
and you said it would be all right

an evening with the movie queens
and kings up on the hill
showed your pull and hold on
me and my needy little pawn
pushed around the board
bullies, blues, and theives

crossing the line we lose a day
but gain our soul, in a crate that
fell from first class, a crate that
spells the death of our brother
brooklynn holds the charmer underneath

the green day is really sick and misery
flies from the board as they try
to bring forth on holiday

no pressure. no pressure. no pressure
this isn't good. we need pressure
this isn't good. kill the pressure

the dawning of the rest of our lives
this is the life on holiday
until it is found for what it is
and what it isn't. is. isn't

off to empty roads
to walk alone
i walk alone

my shadow is beating and fighting, i wish they would find me
my shadow is dancing the line, i wish they would find me
my shadow is the only thing that wakes inside me
i walk alone

their shadows want to walk inside me
they want to tramp all over my stuff. my stuff
if they tramp, they will die. i will make sure of that
if they tramp, they will cry. i will make sure of that
if they tramp, kill them before they cry, then make sure of it

a touch, a squirt, a repeat. no way of doing it
drop the shy act. work it hard. this is the sht

could disclaimers be any worse? Line them all up and shoot them
right in the middle of a good dream, somethig burbbled up, "I think I you love"
so what am I so afraid of? A love there is not cure enough

this is just pop dribble. throws this crap out. turn it down
too much loving going on. that makes much
i outsourced it. I OUTSOURCED IT!!!
it's a sweet joke. 2:30am is a sweet joke too
but a nasty one. znrumsn hsndhe dsyd ell

see the glory of the royal
the glory of the wonder or wonder how
i need wood lock. i can't see straight any more

the streak is running it off. I'll argue my case

near 3, fading
139 is a weak one
so is off
fade.tw.gky

losing it
how it is no now
done now

push
edge
flow

push
know
pull

make
pain
real

heal
your
pain

give
many
take
some
tear
down

push
edge
flow

love
real
love

The kid ain't his dad, but nobody is. It works though...

So long ago, I dont remember when
Thats when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees

why did you hang around this place?
did you get hooked on these plots
or maybe the drama of watching
me burn and twist of my own
devices and toy with the fire
in my eye and the pits that
slowly pull the light from
the skies and the high
that crashes without
a splash because
when it hits it
has no mass
or heaven
to pray
save
me
.
slip, know

i used to sing i was the omega man
always talking to myself
and i did too. walk down the street
mumbling to myself. afraid to touch
the gaze of another for fear that i might
find something in myself or in them. in them
that would be the worst. i used to play

i thought tokyo was bad. but that was just
a warmup act for a much bigger stage
baby, you should see me now. or maybe not
i'm not quite ready for my closeup

the hell you say. i agree. fanfare for this common man
but i'm far from common. ordinary. normal. sane. take your pick
you can label me right now but by the time you speak
you'll miss a beat and i slip a measure
find the time. lose the rhyme. lose the beat. find the turn
around. a round life. a round ball. i used to play

she buried me in a print impossible
cyan running deep between my mind
but this other she took me and walked
raw haze swung left and missed

an opportunity to slide out and back in
hey baby, where are you coming from?
you stepped into my world and left yours in
a back room with a light swinging
and cases stacked like dreams
but stay out of both and find your own
a fine team. you'll pick first. i used to play

i've got the key to the highway but no gas
left in the tank and i'm a little short
can you spare some change? wait that's
been my fear for far too long. hang on. hold tight

layla came and whispered in my ear. she hasn't done that
for many years but i thought i heard her say,
"please leave me alone."
so i'm back with white lightning and wine
and too many j's hurting me in different ways
i trusted them all, and took it hard thinking
it was all my fault. put down the pick. i used to play

break the glass in case you need a ragged edge to
compare where you've been to where you might
end up if you can't get a bit of sleep in a corner
of someone's life especially your own

own. funny word. don't really own it
only the way you feel about it and see about
getting a hand to pick up the pieces of the mirror
that worked so well but walked away because
she had to grow beyond the mercury smeared on the
smooth surface, perfect except for the line of tears
"you should get those removed," he said
no, no...it's perfect the way it is. i used to play

t minus 7 and counting
seems that's the way these days
actually since the far east sun
showed the walls so steep
and feelings running deep

or maybe it was before
we've been down this road
before but each time is more
easy and hard, yin and yang
micro bursts and big bang

ok, i don't get it
it'll be alright
ok, i don't sweat it
it'll be alright

always easier when you're out first
and can sit and watch from the side
but when it's gone offline the mind
loves to run and bake pies and cakes
sweet with the hurt i always make

ok, i don't like it
it'll be alright
ok, i can't take it
it'll be alright

i really ought to know by now
how i'll feel when it hits
doctor can you see me
again this week?

ok, i won't fight it
it'll be alright
ok, i can't right it
it'll be alright

t minus 6 and counting
beautiful fish run through your fingers
the hard land of the winter coming
make it more than it is this time
if the snapshot holds stay sublime

ok, i can't mold it
it'll be alright
ok, i can't hold it
it'll be alright

ok, i can take it
it'll be alright
ok, i can fake it
it'll be alright
ok, I can make it

As is always the case, the ferocious pace of creative output ebbs at some point. I'd like to write something, but I'm not really feeling it. So instead I work on the more mechanical aspects of one of my crafts...pick up the bass and play. Sometimes you phone it in, but you do what you have to do. Music is a physical as well as emotional and spiritual endeavor. So you have to work all three sides of the equation. Often the emotional and spiritual just aren't happening, but you can almost always pick up the instrument and woodshed. Sure, it isn't pretty or moving, but necessary just the same.

Hmm...seems there's another life lesson there...

No, beating back.

You can't think it. You have to experience it.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

never sure of the path, wander as if driven
by stars and forces beyond our wildest dreams
finding it's always dark under light
even in a plasticene world with damp eyes

Yeah, that's what they call it. Creative differences. Turns out I'm creative. And I have differences. And for some reason am stubborn about it. Go figure...

Answer: no. Well, ok, maybe I could. But I'm pretty tired. And a long weekend awaits. It will be fun (race clinic!), but very long, hard, and exhausting. Trying to get some sleep to gear up for it. Sleep good.